I just got home...

....from taking the kiddo home to his Mom. We spent basically the entire weekend together. I love him very much; much more than I thought I ever would. And mostly with just me, he's getting better. He's learning what I expect of a kid I'm in charge of, and I'm learning how to wrangle him a bit better. 

My dad has really taken a liking to him, so it's always easy to take him to my dad's house for a while. Dad lives with my brother, and I'm pretty sure I could leave the kid with those two boys and he'd be just fine. Today was "yard work". It was SO nice out, quite warm for the time of year. My brother just bought his house, and also bought himself a fancy new yard tractor, and then added the leaf-sucker-upper thing (technical term). He also has a dedicated brick ringed fire pit in a corner of the backyard. Yadda yadda yadda, I now REEK of smoke. So did the kid. So at 4:30 I realized that he was wearing his mom's jeans (i.e. the ones i have to return him in) and that the kid ALSO reeks, so I jetted the 30 minutes home, THREW him in the shower, put his jeans on the "quick wash" and then put them in the dryer by themselves. We had just enough time to consume a frozen pizza and work on spelling words for 20 minutes or so. I got him home THREE MINUTES late. 

Another reason for hanging at my dads? Everything is so easy there. My brother is very no nonsense and low drama with his home furnishings. Simple. I made the kid some hotdogs, and when I was done, you couldn't tell. I made a sandwich, and everything went into the "dirty" dishwasher. The counters never have clutter. You can always find the milk in the fridge. The kid ate at the table and I didn't have to move a bunch of shit so he had room. Like I sometimes have to here. I guess when you START from "spotless", it's easy to get back there. I don't think my house has EVER been spotless. There's clutter and it's definitely not simple. 

Sometimes when I freak out and have an anxiety attack, my brother's house is the FIRST thought in my head. GO TO BROTHER'S. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY THERE. If Rob and I get testy with each other? FUCK OFF, I'M GOING TO MY BROTHERS, I DON'T NEED THIS. Sometimes the ONLY reason I can think of to not go hide there is OMG, I DON'T WANT TO MOVE ALL MY STUFF AGAIN!!!

Also, of course, I love Rob very much. And the kid. And times like last night, when Rob's alarm went off, but I could tell he was not really waking up, so I sent the kid in there to "cuddle", and then I went in a few minutes later and we all laid on the bed together and snuggled and I was part of the family, finally.